Godsbarbarian's Xanga

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 20:54:43 GMT

So... here's the edit to the poem. I think I'll continue to edit this thing. It ends too awkwardly and some of the stanzas/verses still don't flow that well. I own this poem (got the help of RhymeZone website)!! Do not copy. :D

Whenever we go up the heights,
He loves the city lights,
I prefer the star lit sky,
It's not like I really try,
But I avoid his pry.

Maybe it's not meant to be,
All my friends tell me to take heed,
But it's so hard to see,
Especially when he begins to plea,
"Come back to me."
I can barely hear my heart beat.

How can I stay strong,
When everything I do seems wrong,
Being alone, it's so hard to feel I belong.

Maybe I should just agree,
Take it easy and be free,
Don't even bother to see,
The severity and the decree.

But I love rules, the forced choices,
I don't have to do anything but obey,
he doesn't see it as okay.

Time goes day by day,
And I just don't want to pray,
Isolated in my room,
Trying to find my own way,
To my own dismay,
Everything around me decays,
All the little things are swept away.

Maybe it's cliche,
I'm only human.

'Cause of this,
My filthy nature ignores His insistence,
Or rather push away His assistance,
Creating an even greater distance,
Which slowly attracts me to his persistance.

During all this ignorance,
I lack my sustenance,
Everything around me decays.

I'm sorry, City-Seer,
We had good memories,
But also things that should disappear,
It seemed all so clear,
That we were meant to be,
Now, I just don't agree.

It may be austere,
But it's sincere,
I fear that our relationship will only be a tease,
I don't want it to linger like a disease,
Let's just make appease,
To make it ease as a gentle breeze,
And leave to relieve our naive years.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 00:50:45 GMT

So, I was craving McDonald's this past week so I finally got it today. When I got the food, the manager was all peppy and happy. That was cool. When I was leaving McDonald's, there was this older woman passing by. She laughed while we were passing each other and said, "I really like your shoes." I thanked her and I was a much happier person leaving McDonald's compared to when I was entering McDonald's.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 14:43:56 GMT

Man... I want to draw so bad. But I got an exam today that I haven't studied for a lot...
Meeting up with Julian was pretty rad. I forgot how good it felt talking about media, society, and God.

It's not easy finding time to have a good chat with a good friend.
It already feels like I lost a lot of friends... or at least a lot of social contact. Since I have friends that are older than me, my friends already kind of... moved on, or they're too busy. Most of them are dating or they're male so it's awkward now. I was listening to lecture (good thing) in my Personality class; we're going through Erik Erikson's personality development and it says that from ages 20~30 people are discovering if they can find love/deep relationships at this time. Mmm... is this why relationships are getting a little more awkward now?

Anyway, I've been appreciating the single life so much. The freedom it brings. I've never appreciated the single life. I've always wanted someone close to me for various reasons. Well, God is certainly good.

"Christ is the only man who will not fail or disappoint [you]. So fill [yourself] and be complete in him." -Jules

Dude. Paul Dateh's cover of "Overkill" is so awesome.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 02:52:51 GMT

Even through the suffering of graduate school applications...

I think life is getting better. I feel joy now. Something I haven't felt in a very long time.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 17:00:49 GMT

I hated kids. Babies, infants, toddlers, grade school kids, middle school kids, UGH!!

There were a few cute kids running around church; they were nice to look at. But I knew what came with their looks: the suffering of cleaning them, entertaining them, feeding them, taking care of them, protecting them... the list goes on. I don't think I would ever even want to touch them! They are way too fragile for me to handle. I would be too scared to do anything to them. Yet, so many children have come after me even though I do nothing to them! I remember I was babysitting my baby cousins and they would just crawl all over me and point to me when my siblings asked them who their favorite was! WHAT THE HECK. I don't think I ever entertained them as much as my sisters. My sisters were shocked they pointed at me... my reaction was the same as theirs.

But as I get older, I've been really enjoying their presence. Is it because I'm getting older as a woman that I want to eventually get one? Naah...

At what point in your life did you finally find yourself accepting who you were?

Tue, 19 May 2009 01:48:25 GMT

I should totally be studying for my last exam. Or at least packing up to go home for this week (to an empty home).

Probably when I converted to seeking truth. After I noticed God's wonderful grace, I saw that I was made for God. I went through so many fashion changes throughout my high school career that my sisters noticed the "identity crisis" I was going through. They were teasing and not being serious about that statement; though, they knew that teenagers experience a time of developing their identity.

Anyway... I finally accepted who I was when I accepted Christ in my life because "the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7) I didn't have to act like what others wanted me to be because God knows who I really am.

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

What's your idea of the perfect date?

Wed, 13 May 2009 01:22:49 GMT

First of all, a memorable asking me out to the perfect date! It would be perfect if I am so in love with the guy and he is, too. He'd be confident and ask me with a grin! And I want it all pre-planned in a simple manner by him.
I guess this question is not asking about a first date... so this could be a date that is happening within a long-term, good relationship... There's going to be a lot of spending time together and doing something... maybe movie watching at a nice place and discussing it afterward with a coffee/tea/dinner/meal. I prefer the day to be a cool to a cold day. HE WOULD THEN BUST OUT A SILVER, CROSS NECKLACE because that's the gift I want from a soon-to-be-husband. It'd be a casual outing... with NO ONE ELSE. lol. No phone conversations, just a day to ourselves... then he'd drop me off at home and give me something else to end the night... I donno, chocolates? Flowers? Something thoughtful. Maybe a letter.

Yeah... I guess that'd be a perfect date.

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

What physical scars do you have and what are they from?

Mon, 11 May 2009 00:21:01 GMT

I always wanted to do these since I saw them on Terrance's Xanga!

I have a lot on my legs. I have stretch marks on my legs, they look really funky. I don't think they're like normal stretch marks; I have white indentations on my thighs. I also have a brown spot from my cousin (or was it my brother?) who accidentally dropped a lighter on my thigh. The metal part was still very hot. I have scars on both of my knees from falling off of my bike numerous times when I was in elementary school. I have one under my nose, it's getting smaller/disappearing. I was giving my cousin a piggy back ride (he is only a year younger than me) when I was in Korea in elementary school and I tripped and slid on my face on the bumpy unpaved road. I think that's all...

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 13:28:58 GMT

Taken from my lecture:

Beauty = averageness

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 06:03:19 GMT

Is beauty obtained or inherited?

Well, you can take this in so many ways. What kind of beauty are we talking about?

Inner beauty... I think this is definitely inherited AND obtained. Because God created us, we must be beautiful to begin with. Though, our flesh and sin make us gross and disgusting, it makes us, in a way, ugly. Once we receive redemption, salvation, His love, He makes us pure, beautiful in the inside.

Outer beauty... it can definitely be obtained but also inherited. God created man from dirt; ruddy, hard, masculine, tough. God created woman out of man. I'm sure Eve was pleasing to the eye. She was Adam's helper and wife; perfect before sin came into the world. If you have the money, you got the tools to restructure your whole body. Your parents have genes that were passed on to you, genes to create your body. Well, this paragraph is a given and I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

Glorifying God and having a relationship with Him creates a better sense of what's going on around you. One begins to understand God's commands, promises, and other words; one would obey God and eventually become pure to glorify the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. This creates an amazing inner beauty that will show on the outside.